23-Year-Old Grad Student Discovers Multiverse Portal Behind Discount Pillows at Local Ross

PEORIA, IL — A 23-year-old graduate student from Illinois State University has reportedly discovered a trans-dimensional portal behind the Ross Dress for Less on Westlake Shopping Center that appears to grant access to an infinite number of alternate realities. The discovery was made during what was described as an "emergency discount pants run."

“Honestly, I was just looking for some affordable joggers,” said Caitlyn Bennett, the anthropology grad student whose unplanned detour into the metaphysical plane has sparked both excitement and confusion in the local community. “But I got turned around in the shoe section, and when I went to ask an employee for directions to the dressing rooms, I tripped over a pile of discarded clearance heels and fell straight into the multiverse.”

Bennett claims she tumbled into an entryway that led her to a shimmering vortex located just behind the seasonal decor aisle, sandwiched between an overflowing bin of mismatched throw pillows and a display of heavily discounted dog sweaters. “At first, I thought I was just in the weird back corner of Ross where time and space collapse in on themselves, but no—turns out I was looking into an alternate dimension where it’s permanently Black Friday, and everything is 70% off.”

Researchers are baffled by the discovery, with theoretical physicists from universities across the globe arriving at the site to confirm the phenomenon. Dr. Marcus Villareal of MIT called it “an unprecedented find," although he did admit to struggling with the maze of chaotic clothing racks on his way in.

“We’ve always hypothesized that interdimensional gateways would manifest in complex gravitational fields or black holes," said Villareal. "Never did we consider they might be located somewhere between a half-off pile of pashmina scarves and last season’s workout gear."

Shoppers in the area have expressed mixed reactions. “I’m not surprised. Have you seen the inside of a Ross? It *feels* like you’re wandering through a different universe,” said local resident and avid shopper Linda Thompson. “I once got lost looking for bathroom rugs and ended up in a whole different store—turns out it was a Kohl’s, but still.”

Bennett has reportedly since made several excursions into the portal, gathering artifacts from alternate dimensions such as half-priced leggings that never wear out and a sentient toaster that makes avocado toast without judgment. “The multiverse is vast and chaotic, much like the clearance section at Ross,” Bennett explained. “But at least there’s always a good deal.”

Despite the groundbreaking nature of the discovery, Caitlyn’s professor has asked her to stop using the portal as an excuse for late assignments. “Alternate timelines are no excuse for late papers,” her advisor stated. “Even if she’s stuck in a universe where she’s been chosen as the queen of all sentient beings, I still expect her to submit her thesis on time.”

Ross Dress for Less has declined to comment, though sources close to the store claim they’re considering using the portal as a way to expand into “infinite retail possibilities,” potentially offering cross-dimensional loyalty points for the first time in chain history.

Meanwhile, Bennett plans to continue her research, hoping to find a universe where grad school is fully funded, pants always fit perfectly, and Ross stores have decent lighting.

"Somewhere out there," she mused, "there's a universe where I’m not broke, stressed, or spending my weekends hunting for grad student discounts.”