Local Woman Disappointed to Discover Mother Who Watched Walter White Dissolve a Child's Body in Breaking Bad Refuses to Watch The Substance

PEORIA, IL—Local horror fan Megan Hale, 36, was saddened by her 64-year-old mother Carol’s hesitance to watch The Substance, a feminist techno-horror masterpiece Megan insists is “essential viewing for women.” Despite Carol’s proven stamina for intense, morally complex series like Breaking Bad and psychological horrors like Doctor Sleep, the elder Hale balked at the suggestion. “If it has goo, I’m out,” Carol said as she flipped on Ozark.

Megan was slightly upset by her mother’s lack of enthusiasm. “This is the same woman who sat through five seasons of Walter White losing his humanity and who called Doctor Sleep a ‘brilliant meditation on trauma,’” Megan said, clutching The Substance Blu-ray. “But the second I mention this film dismantles patriarchal beauty standards, she seems bored.” Carol defended her stance, claiming that after decades of contending with societal expectations, she’s “earned the right to watch something soothing, like murders set in suburbs.”

Despite this, Megan and Carol remain close, bonding over their shared love of bleak storytelling. “She’ll come around,” Megan said optimistically, already drafting a presentation to pitch The Substance as “Doctor Sleep with a better soundtrack.” Carol, however, remained firm. “I’m glad Megan’s passionate, but Dennis Quaid eating shrimp and rave beats aren’t my thing,” she said. “If I wanted to see society’s ugliness, I’d rewatch season three of Breaking Bad.” Megan respects her mother’s wishes and decided to watch The Substance by herself for the seventh time.